Saturday, January 10, 2009

Quiet Grief

Before my grandmother passed away, I had visions of what my reaction and life would be like.  Thankfully they have not come to fruition.  I pictured myself so grief stricken that I couldn't function.  I pictured feeling like my insides were being ripped apart and that my world would be so empty.  Now that I am on the other side of this I think back to those thoughts and wonder why I'm not feeling more like that.  Of course, I have my moments and always will.  My heart aches daily.  The practical matter is I have these two beautiful children and a loving, adoring husband that require something more than a shell of a person in their daily lives.  But I think it goes deeper than that and it goes back to the example that my grandmother lived in her life everyday.  She was such a positive person although she endured many heartaches throughout her life, too many to recount now.  But she always brought such light and joy to others and she wanted us to be happy and live life to the fullest.  Also, my grandmother was so strong and she gave me such a strong sense of self that I know I can get through this.  I thank God that He has filled my heart with her spirit and is letting me experience this quiet grief.  

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